wildwithin – Jessy Paston

Wild Within Interview with Angie Northwood

Angie is founder of Spirals of Wellbeing; Spirals offers women pathways to re-claiming and re-wilding the true nature of who she is, through learning the art of self care and love.

Spirals Website

Time: 33:26 minutes

Jessy: Okay, so we are now recording and this is a Wild Within Interview with the beautiful beautiful Angie. And Angie, I’ve met through a book writing process which I think, did we start last year? I think last September?

Angie: I have no idea.

Jessy: No. I think at the minute dates and timing and yeah, are out the window. But anyway, book writing process and I just love Angie. All your wellbeing kind of videos that you do, your moon meditations. You’re so in touch with who you are and when I think of Wild Within, you know, you really come to mind because I think you are the kind of the embodiment of it. And of course, you’re one of my beloved soul sisters and unbound soul sisters, and I don’t think I could have survived this year without your support and the support of the group and things but yeah, did you want to take a moment just to introduce yourself and yeah, I know you do a lot more than kind of what I’ve said.

Angie: Yeah. That was a very beautiful description. I’ll accept that very gratefully. Thank you. So, yes, so I’m Angie. And I’m 59, approaching 60, which is very exciting. And I’m also proud to call myself Crone being postmenopausal. And as you know, my work at the core of my work, well really is wound wisdom. And part of that wound wisdom is most definitely the alchemy of menopause. And that’s what my second book that I’m writing now is about. I live in beautiful rural West Wales, with my husband, Rob, and our two adult children, Jake and Molly. And I love where I live with all my soul and all of my heart, and it is what nourishes me. And we’ll be talking about this as you ask me the questions. But being here is absolutely what has aligned me to who I am at soul level.

Jessy: Oh, I love it. I love it. And when you share images of where you are, and oh gosh, that just fills my heart. You know, just nature and, you know, at its core, at its best.

Angie: Yeah.

Jessy: Really

Angie: Stunningly beautiful.

Jessy: Oh, definitely. So, tell us about your journey. Kind of what sort of got you to this point, what had you been doing before? And kind of, I guess, kind of what life were you living? Like what expectations were you trying to live up to and conditions and things?

Angie: It’s such a wonderful question, because it really has allowed me to follow that part of where I’ve come from to here. And it is something that I talked about in my book, which I know you’re yet to read. And so really, I suppose the kind of power moment happened when Rob and I were working at a festival in 20, ooh, gosh, what was it 2011, something like that. But before that, before I come to that, I was living in Brixton. We were all living in Brixton, which I loved. We’d lived in the house that we were in for nearly 20 years, which we love. We had a fantastic community. I worked within the heart of Brixton as well and it was fabulous. However, the work that I was doing, I ended up becoming very depleted and had a period of depression. And my body, bless my body had been trying to tell me for a long time that I needed to rethink what I was doing. But I ignored it for a very long time. Hence the depletion. Hence the depression. But I did eventually listen. And I chose to leave the job that I was doing, because I understood at that point, having had some counseling that something you know, that needed to change, I could no longer do that. So, that was a big decision to make. I didn’t really know what I wanted to do at that point. But I looked to my partner, my husband, Rob and he had been a massage therapist already for a number of years and he loved his work and he had a pretty good life balance. I thought yeah, I’m gonna try that. So, I trained to be a massage therapist, and I was creating quite a good business for myself working from home. And then we were at the festival, both doing our massage treatments. Well, no, that’s a fib Rob and Jake were doing it. I was going to, that I got a really bad cold virus literally the morning of leaving. And so, I couldn’t work. And that was just such a beautiful gift from the universe because actually, I needed to stop and to do some really deep listening while I was there, which I did. And what opened up, what came in was a really clear message saying, you have to move now. It is time. Because Rob and I had thought about doing the move from the city to the countryside for a number of years on and off for many, many years. But this message came in, boom, it’s time. And when I shared that with Rob, he was like, Yes, let’s do this. And within seven months, we were living here.

Jessy: No way. That quick.

Angie: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was yeah, we’ve made the decision. Let’s do this.

Jessy: But that’s so you though as well, isn’t it? It’s what I’ve seen of you in that like the past year. It’s like you make a decision. And then that’s it. It’s almost like you have the whole universe behind you. And it just happens. So that’s lovely.

Angie: Yeah, I definitely said there yes, yeah, there is that I do have that force when I yeah. Yeah. Which largely works for but sometimes that I have also learned within that, that actually, it’s quite good sometimes to step back and just kind of take a breath before I launch into something. But yes, but that was the moment where I absolutely knew, you know, that the alignment came in, and I you know, it didn’t need to be thought about and seven months later, we’ll sorry,

Jessy: Sorry, there is still a lag, but we’re talking over each other. They’re just gonna say just so important to have that pause and actually listen to what your body is saying to you. Because that’s messages, isn’t it?

Angie: Yeah. And interestingly, when we moved here it was my body again, that was you know, it was my womb, I discovered I had a uterine fibroid. And it was my womb saying, okay, you’re here now, this is where you need to be. Now, do your work, your inner work.

Jessy: Wow.

Angie: And that was also aligned to me becoming perimenopausal. So, everything was just, it was coming in. And you know, at the time that felt, oh, my goodness, it felt turbulent. It felt like you know, I was really in the eye of the storm, which you know, menopause is at that particular stage and phase. And so, I discovered I had a uterine fibroid. I was starting my menopausal journey and we connected in quite quickly to home education group, because we had been home educating Molly. And there was some wise women within that group who directed me to a woman who kind of became my mentor for the following five, six years. And she held sacred circles for women. And within this and I went to those circles every, how often did we do them, probably every month for about five years. And that was the container in which I was held, which was so potent and so powerful. And it really allowed me, enabled me to experience my menopause and my healing in safety, and with love and allowed me to deepen my connection to myself, to my soul, to who I no longer was, who I was becoming. Yeah, so that yes, that is the container in which I started the journey, I was held in the journey and

Jessy: Still your body was still almost like informing the way forward and you know, I love the work you do on menopause. Because I mean, I focus more on sort of, like perinatal mental health and that transition of when women become mothers and that in itself is a huge transition. But very few talk about menopause, and that side of it, even when they do it’s so negative and seen as kind of dry and grumpy and, like horrible. But I love when you say that, you know, I wear crone is a badge of honor aromas its brilliant.

Angie: Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. And it’s yeah, I mean, this second book that I’m writing, I’ve interviewed 10 women who are at some point in their menopausal journey, because we’re not hearing women’s voices to tell the story themselves. Other than that narrative that you’ve just described, which tends to be about hormonal replacement treatment, we’re washed up, we’re no longer relevant, you know, we need to be quiet and get into the background, please. And that’s the narrative that needs to be changed dramatically. And you know, it’s no accident that that’s what we have been led to believe it is, you know, we were burnt at the stake many years ago. Well, and actually, women are still, you know, in some parts of the world, women are still put to death for being a wise woman, or just for being a woman. And so, you know, and we will fill that in our bones, you know, which is another reason why we are resistant to becoming menopausal. So, you know, we have those different things going on, we have the ancestral piece, you know, that is in our bones that, you know, we know, subconsciously, that we were burned at the stake and ostracized for being the wise woman, that wasn’t acceptable in a patriarchal society. We then have the narrative that, as you say, you know, we’re dried up, we’re irrelevant, you know, all of that nonsense. And so, of course, we’re going to be scared of the menopause. And of course, we’re going to resist it. And of course, we’re going to say, yes, give me HRT, and I just, you know, I’ll pretend that it’s not happening. And, that needs to change for us because actually, the menopause is the most incredible, most magnificent, most beautiful transformation that we undergo. You know, it is that part of our lives, where we can really step into our authority, our power and our potency, in order to then give that back out into the world. I mean, it just makes me shiver and tingle every time because it’s just, I mean, how amazing is that?

Jessy: Yeah, and the way you say it, just with so much beauty and love and compassion in it, it’s like, it’s nothing to be feared, it is actually a stage we go through, where we can step into our power and almost like, shed all the years of, as a woman, this is what you have to do. And, you know, we don’t need to take that shit anymore. We’re not quiet women who we’re going to quiet our voices; and our bodies do inform us and lead us on this fantastic journey. But the modern society we live in, it’s just so kind of removed from that, isn’t it? And this is what I talked about with Wild Within we need to connect to us.

Angie: Yeah. Then as you say, yeah, absolutely. And of course, you know, it’s not just menopause, that we’re told to suppress that, and, you know, just don’t allow that to come up, you know, it happens. From when we’re little girls, you know, we’re, you know, told to zip it and don’t be too much. And, you know, and then when we start to bleed, you know, we’re ashamed about that. And, you know, we’re ashamed about our sexuality and what we desire and, you know, heaven forbid, that we, you know, we get pleasure from who we are as women. Yeah, I mean, [crosstalk at 14:14] the extremes and, you know, of course, many of us women experience beautiful things as we grew up, however, underlying in that are those negative things about being a woman. And part of my process of healing and being able to experience the menopause as I have, was because I looked back at those other parts of my life, I mean, menopause demands that you do that. It absolutely demands that you do that. And so, you know, looking back at my first blood, looking back at being a young woman, looking back at becoming a mother, looking back at my working pathways that I took all helped me to let go of false beliefs, to let go of what wasn’t mine and to reclaim, actually, you know, through ritual or ceremonial rites, you know, whatever way suits each individual. But to reclaim those moments, for the significance of beauty and the power that they give us to get to this point.

Jessy: I love it so much. But it’s so true, isn’t it? It’s, and you were talking about how, like, we know ancestrally, you know, we were burned at the stake and stuff. But also, you know, it’s like, women have been going through this process since the start of humans. Do you know what I mean? And that is a, I believe we’ve almost got that memory. We remember that. But we forgotten how to access it.

Angie: Yes, yeah. But to activate it and to access you’re absolutely right. Because, you know, there was a point in history or herstory, perhaps we should call it that. You know, we were revered you know, crone was revered. Crone was meant wise woman. Now it means a has been, you know, an ugly woman, a haggard, well, you know, all this nonsense, which is why I’m reclaiming the word crone because it means wise woman and women that were revered, so you know, red tents where women gathered together to celebrate their bloods, and within the red tents with the elders of the communities who shared their wisdom. And you know, that is happening, you know, red tents are popping up, and have been around all over the place. You know, there’s a reemergence of the potent powerful woman in relation to our blood and our transformations.

Jessy: And I think especially this year, it’s almost like 2020 is a year of clarity. And it’s been disruptive for absolutely everybody, but it’s also shown us there’s a different way of living. And this kind of modern, materialistic consumeristic way of living is just not right. For us as human beings. We’re not designed to live like this. And your journey is really showing that. You know, just the pressures we put on our bodies, the way we work, the way we live. So, your move to the countryside is kind of my dream. That’s where I want to be in time. So, what kind of things do you do? Because it’s not easy, is it? To kind of overstay on this path? I mean, perhaps easier for you being in the countryside and things but what are your practices or strategies to stay aligned to your true self, to your Wild Within?

Angie: Well, you know, this year as you say, you know, has been, it is an awakening. And has been deeply challenging. And it’s been interesting because staying aligned and keeping myself well and vibrant, in the sense of my creativity, and just being aware of my needs has been challenged this year, of course. And every time I come to a place of, I mean, I was saying before you started recording, you know, in the last couple of weeks, I felt stagnant and stuck and resistant to those things, no, to writing my book, those things that I know actually align me to who I am. And so, in answer to that, really, it’s always coming back to nature, you know, coming back to nature. And I know I’m surrounded by it all the time but one can still, you know, become disconnected through the other stuff that comes in.

Jessy: Exactly. Yeah

Angie: Nature always. And sisterhood always.

Jessy: Yes.

Angie: Yeah. You know connecting to other women, being with other women. And of course, you know, we haven’t been able to do that in person and that’s what my work largely was. You know, part of what I did before lockdown was holding space for other women in person. And that hasn’t happened. We haven’t been able to do that, you know, doing it online. Which of course, is deeply valuable in what that does, but it is different. And so, you know, this year, it has been even more important to nurture that and to maintain that. And for me personally to learn to connect through this medium. You know, I can’t do it in the other, I can’t do it in the live medium. So, I’ve been relearning how to use my energy, but also protect my energy because of course, you know, being online and there was a period where there was so much going on, which I got drawn into, because I think, you know, well, I’ll only speak for myself, but I was feeling sort of a, almost a desperateness to maintain that connection.

Jessy: I hear you. Yeah.

Angie: And it became overwhelming. So, there’s also been learning how to protect myself from too much of that, because, you know, it saps our energy, you know, all this electronic.

Jessy: Massively.

Angie: So, I guess it’s been, you know, in this last year, very specifically, it’s been a balance of being within containers of sisterhood.

Jessy: Yeah.

Angie: I do not want to be without, I cannot be without. And staying in connection with nature, which is, just so deeply nourishes me.

Jessy: It really, nature just reminds you of source, doesn’t it? Kind of where you’re from, what we’re made of, just everything and I mean, we’ve only got a tiny garden compared to your countryside. But I get so much just from being in the garden and almost like obsessively growing one thing but to see it grow from seed or being outside like when it’s windy or raining and it’s just like nature is there to remind us, really, isn’t it?

Angie: Absolutely and when I was still in the city we had a garden and that was absolutely our oasis, you know, that is where we stayed connected to soul. And it helped us to balance out the layers of, you know, because the layers of protection that I needed in the city, I didn’t even know I had until I came to the country side.

Jessy: Exactly.

Angie: Until I came here and I suddenly went, boy did I have layers. And of course, we do because there is so much going on in built-up environments.

Jessy: Yeah definitely and I love what you say about sisterhood. I mean, I feel so grateful that we were able to meet last February, this February. Time is just a concept that’s gone out of my head as well. Yeah in February for that writer’s retreat. That in itself was just so magical. And I hear what you say about the in-person connection because like we did the most magical book ceremony and I know we did one recently online but it was different. Being in person is just so so different, isn’t it? And your words that you said about sisterhood and honoring, oh, that poem was just so heartwarming. And I think it’s on your website now, isn’t it?

Angie: It was. I’ve actually noticed it’s not at the moment. Because I’ve been playing around with my website

Angie: Yeah, but it will definitely be in the book. And I’m happy, you know, if you want to use it within the context of these recordings, Jessy.

Jessy: Fantastic. I think I’ll put a copy of it. Because it just completely moved me. And I’ve written a little bit about my personal journey about not fitting in and sisterhood and that kind of connection. But your… is it okay to call it a poem? Was it a poem?

Angie: Yeah.

Jessy: That just really moved me, it touched something, within yeah, oh, there was so many tears at that ceremony. So, it’s not

Angie: I remember. Yeah. And that is the beauty for me of being in person in circle because there is and you know, and we did it over several days, of course, you know, that deepness. Is even more potent, isn’t it? And interestingly, I too am so grateful that we had that in February just before everything went tits up, because that actually has continued to nourish me throughout this period of time. You know, I do refer back to that kind of energetically and from my heart and from my soul. And for me the poem as well because that was a real channeling and you know, perhaps an awareness of what was going to be coming for all of us and yeah.

Jessy: Yeah. And it’s so true isn’t it? It’s almost like a sensitive people we kind of, but we were saying this, then weren’t we? That society needs to change, things need to change because, you know, as a society we’re kind of ill with depression, anxiety, all sorts because we’re just not connected to ourselves and the simplicity of that connection. You know it is there. It’s just the case of we need to do it, don’t we?

Angie: We need to learn how to do it because we’ve forgotten. We, you know, we’ve been made to forget, we’ve been taught to forget. So, it’s relearning.

Jessy: Yeah. It’s almost like a brainwashing of, actually, no, the latest bone is more important than catching your breath, you know. Yeah. But no, like, I love your work, and I hope that in time you can do in-person and retreats again. Because, you know, I’ve certainly signed up for that, and I’m waiting, right. It will happen, but just when, exactly. When you know, we leave it to fate, won’t we?

Jessy: Well, you know, I think it’s more than that.

Angie: I think we’re weaving the web for, you know, for that to happen. It’s, you know, with all of the work that each of us is doing is creating the change that needs to happen and you know, and that’s happening all over. There’s so much of that happening. And that’s what we need to stay in touch with. Because all the other stuff is fear mongering.

Jessy: Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

Angie: Which keeps us disconnected, quite deliberately keeps us disconnected.

Jessy: Oh, of course, it’s a good way of control isn’t it? Keep you disconnected so you don’t know what’s going on.

Angie: Yeah.

Jessy: So, as a last cheeky question, if you were an animal, what would you be and why?

Angie: I would be a wolf. Yeah, I’d be a wolf. I work with spirit of wolf. And I love how they are as a pack. The way they care for their young and their elders. And I don’t know if you’ve ever seen that beautiful film footage of A Pack of Wolves, and the eldest is at the front, and they all go at the pace of the eldest. And as you know, for me, you know, kind of that type of inclusion, you have a whole tribe of the whole community is also what needs to change for us. I mean, that’s a whole nother conversation. So yeah, so a wolf and they’re just such beautiful, majestic, powerful, but I also see, you know, the gentleness and again, I think they’ve been much maligned, haven’t they, in what type of creature they are. So, I’d be happy to be a wolf to come back as a wolf.

Jessy: Oh, I could so see you as like the alpha female keeping an eye on the whole pack. And just, like, the nourishing, the loving and I mean, I think already, it’s like, we come to you anyways. Like, you even said it, it’s like, mother with a capital M. It’s like, you know, you hold such a beautiful space for it. And I could so see you as embodying the essence of wolf. And you know, I’m crazy about wolves as well.

Angie: I know. Yeah.

Jessy: Kind of a lot of the similar reasons that you said. But as, you know, their complexity in the pack and of the family, I think that that’s the main thing, isn’t it? But the nourishing

Angie: Yeah, yeah, yeah for sure. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. And I’ve also, you know, when I’ve journeyed, I’ve also spent many, many moments just snuggled into a wolf, you know, just lying by a fire with a wolf. And it’s yeah, I can’t beat that really.

Jessy: Definitely not. I mean, I’ve got like, second best I’ve got my dogs who are the equivalent and you’ve got your

Angie: Yeah, yeah. Absolutely.

Jessy: But it’s true isn’t? It’s that understanding of actually, and you know, what animal is and we’ve got that in us as well and the way we can communicate with animals. Actually, we don’t need words and things they know. They’re more connected to the deep knowing than we are. And, you know, that’s why I asked this sort of cheeky question because it tells so much about a person as well and I love you anyway but I love you even more now your wolf.

Angie: Oh, I love it.

Jessy: The wolf in me resonate with the wolf in you

Angie: *howling sound*

Jessy: Oh gosh. Are we going to start howling now *laughter* I’ll get the dogs going if I do that.

Angie: I sometimes end my women’s circles with a howl

Jessy: Oh, I love it.

Angie: You know when we do a full moon circle, we’ll end with holding hands and we’ll just *howling sounds*

Jessy: Fantastic. Did you hear that Alfie? We’re howling. He’s asleep? Brilliant. Thank you. So, is there anything at the moment that you want to promote or that I can add to the video?

Angie: Well, I’d love to direct people to my book, Take Off Your Armor and Have a Cup of Tea, which tells in more detail some of that which I’ve spoken about today. So, being a mother of a disabled child and the menopausal woman and how those two stories for me are inseparable, because the learning of being a menopausal woman, the creation of inclusive community, that’s all bound together. So, you can get that on Amazon, to Amazon but, you know, that’s where it’s getting. But you can also get them directly from me, and I’ll sign it for you. So, if you go to my website, which is www.spiralsofwellbeing.co.uk you can get in touch with me and order a book directly from me. And it also of course tells you about the work that I’m doing and what I’m offering here and online. And I also do a monthly menopause wisdom online circle, which you can connect to through my Facebook page as far as a well-being.

Jessy: So, I will go through the recording again and put all the links around it. So, there is a copy. I’ve been scribbling away but I probably can’t read my writing.

Angie: And just to say on the website as well. I do a free 20-minute consultation. So, if anybody is interested in having a conversation with me, you know, having a chat about all things woman, womb, menopause, Wild Within, you know, rewilding, as I call it, then just put that up. I’d love to talk with you.

Jessy: Oh, fantastic. Brilliant. Thank you so so much, Angie.

Angie: Thank you Jessy.

Jessy: Wonderfulness in your wolf mama magic.

Angie: I love that.

Jessy: Oh, thank you so much for the interview.

Angie: Thank you so much Jessy. It’s just so great to be activated by a sister, a soul sister, a circle sister, a writing sister. So, thank you.

Jessy: Oh, I will stop the recording now.

Angie: Okay, my love.

Jessy: Take care.

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Wild Within Interview – with Nicola Humber

Join me in this Wild Within Interview with Nicola Humber.

Nicola Humber is mentor to unbound women. She activates recovering good girls to embrace their so-called imperfections and shake off the tyranny of ‘shoulds’, so they can be their fullest, freest, most magnificent selves.

Nicola is the author of two transformational books, Heal Your Inner Good Girl and UNBOUND. She’s also the founder of The Unbound Press, a soul-led publishing imprint for unbound women.

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To get your copy and to get the odd email from me (monthly at the moment), please sign up on the following link: Sign up for Release the Wild Within

Transcript of interview:

Time: 29:19 minutes

Jessy: Okay, so we are recording now and I just wanted to say a huge huge welcome to the beautiful gorgeous Nicola Humber, Author of Heal Your Inner Good Girl and Unbound, running all these amazing writing projects for us mere mortals to write our books.
I’ve known Nicola for so many years and she has been the most supportive, wonderful mentor, friend, angel, I don’t know whatever words you want to put in there you can do.
I just wanted to take this opportunity to introduce Nicola, interview you and know how you got on this path, you know, what you’ve been working on.
And actually, it was from your words, I think it was from Unbound where you talk about your Unbound Self, your wild self. That was the seed that was planted and has put me on this journey. So, did you want to spend just a few minutes just introducing yourself because I know I’m not great at introductions.

Nicola Humber: That was a brilliant introduction and I will say I am definitely a mere mortal. I’m definitely a human being.

Jessy: Well then, you’re absolutely perfect for this because that’s what Wild Within is about.

Nicola Humber: Exactly it’s all about being in our humaneness. So, thank you, Jessy for lovely introduction. And I’m so grateful that we’ve been connected for all these years and like to, to see your journey and to have you kind of coming along on my journey as well, has just been a complete blessing. So, let me try and introduce myself, I don’t find it easy!

Jessy: You’re doing so much, I can’t keep track.

Nicola Humber: It’s really quite simple. It feels a lot simpler now than it was for many years. When I started to walk this unbound path, and I guess it was like, you know, you would call it almost like a rewilding path, I guess. And I didn’t even realize that that’s what I was doing. You know, at the time. But for many years, once I moved away from what I knew, I didn’t want to do anymore, which was kind of following that good girl path of working in a corporate environment and being in an office. You know, I knew I didn’t want to do that, so, I made a decision to leave and initially retrained as a Coach and a Hypnotherapist. And I thought, okay, that will be it. That’s what I’ll do. For the rest of my life, I’ll be a Hypnotherapist and have a Hypnotherapy practice. But actually, that was only the beginning of the journey. And it’s been a really twisty turny path which I’m sure many of us can resonate with. Sometimes it feels like we’re going back from ourselves. And for a lot of years actually I didn’t really know who I was or what I was here to do. Whereas now like through writing my books, like you, said Heal Your Inner Good Girl, with someone the other day thought was kill your Inner Good Girl. She was introducing me and she said Nicola Humber, Author of kill your Inner Good Girl. It could be you know, but it’s a bit harsh.

Jessy: We’re not murderers.

Nicola Humber: It’s a bit extreme. I’m all about accepting different parts of you. Particularly through writing Unbound, I kind of feel like I’ve received the opportunity to work with other women to help them write their books and create the Unbound press. And so, now that’s what all of my work kind of revolves around is my own writing, and helping other women to write. So, it feels very simple to me. But it might not look like that from the outside.

Jessy: I think because I knew you when you were doing, you were focusing on the money side of things and those kinds of Live Your Gift, the Money Mastery programs and all. I’ve been with you for a while! Just thinking, yeah, we’ve done a lot. You have helped me massively, and especially your book Heal Your Inner Good Girl. Wow, everything I’ve done with you has transformed something. But, you know, that was the beginning and then Unbound. Like I said, it just planted that seed and now, you know, you’ve put me on this, no you’ve not put me on this journey, but I’m on this journey with you. Actually, no, because it was really, I had no choice, did I? Because you sort of invited me to write this book. And I was like, no, no, no, we can’t do it. And I was in a place, you know, my head was sort of saying no, no, no. And then my heart was just like, you’ve got to do it. You’ve just got to do it. And I downloaded the Release Your Wild Within and I was just like I can’t not do it.

Nicola Humber: It’s like a calling. You know, I think we experience and I definitely experience that. And it is it’s, well, we can try and say no to it, but it will just keep kind of calling to us.

Jessy: Definitely, yeah. So, you said a little bit kind of what your path has been but what made you decide to change everything? You know what was at the core of that?

Nicola Humber: I was thinking about that Jessy, and it’s interesting because I can really remember the time. When I got to this point, I was kind of mid to late 30s. Working in finance, and for a few years I’ve known, this is not what I want to do with my life. I had no clue what to do. And I’d taken six months out to go traveling and I thought, well, maybe I’ll find the answer then but I didn’t. I came back, went back into my job as a financial planner. And then I got headhunted by another company. And I thought, Oh, well maybe this is it, maybe I’m just meant to work in a different company. And whereas I’d been working in a very kind of male dominated company before, this was a company that had been set up by two women, so it’s like, Okay, this is something different. But as soon as I found myself in that new office, and actually the day I kind of started there was, I think it was about day one of the financial crash of 2008. Everything was going crazy, and I had literally just started. But I was working in this little office at the top of this old building, and I literally felt a kind of caged animal. It’s like, I can’t be working in this environment anymore. The 9 to 5, having to be there every day and sit at this desk. It makes me feel quite sick thinking about it now.

Jessy: You’re saying it is making me go uugh.

Nicola Humber: You know, and if you’re doing work you love then Okay, maybe that’s okay. But it wasn’t, it wasn’t aligned with me, who I was, with my soul. And I used to go out in my lunch hour every day and either sit in the park when the weather’s good enough.

Jessy: Yeah

Nicola Humber: Go to a coffee shop and I was just asking the question that what can I do? What am I meant to do? And then I went for a weekend away with my sister at a health spa, I saw this demonstration by this hypnotherapist, and I’d never had hypnotherapy before. And she was quite eccentric. She was definitely connected with her Wild Within, like a crone, she was doing it in our own way.

Nicola Humber: I don’t know it just kind of clicked within me and I knew that this is what I’m meant to do, so I followed that because I knew I just couldn’t stay

Jessy: Brilliant

Nicola Humber: and caged in that environment anymore.

Jessy: Yeah, fantastic. So, what kind of, this is a really huge question, but what were your processes of kind of letting go of all the conditions that were put on you all those shoulds, all those kind of, your idea of what you should be? What did you do you let go?

Nicola Humber: It’s a continual process I think, you know, you’ll identify with this Jessy, we’re continually coming up against this conditioning. It’s so strong, and it shows up everywhere. Like in our families, our friendships, our work, in society, in general, these ideas about who and how we should be.

Jessy: Yeah.

Nicola Humber: This is certainly, you know, one of my first experiences with that, was kind of doing my hypnotherapy training. And that was just such a personal journey of discovery for me where I could see all these ways that I’d been kind of conforming and trying to fit in and holding back. So, you know, that was an amazing training, in order to be able to work with other people but also you know, for myself personally, and I’ve just been through so many different modalities. I did a two-year Gestalt counseling diploma, and again, that helped me to unpick it, so many more layers. And now I’m just, I guess I have quite a few different practices that I use, like journaling, writing is one of them because I naturally love to do.

Nicola Humber: But then a lot of it comes through, interacting with others, like when I’m speaking, maybe with a client or in a group, like whether I’m holding space for that group or I’m part of the group.

Nicola Humber: I just, I think we learn so much by being with each other. Stuff gets reflected back to us. And we learn so much about ourselves through that.

Jessy: And when you’re talking, it’s making me think of the spiral.

Nicola Humber: Yeah.

Jessy: You know, I love spirals because it’s like, every time we think we’ve let go of things. But we come to it again. And it’s like, we shed another or it’s like the snake, isn’t it? We shed another layer of skin.

Nicola Humber: Yeah.

Jessy: And then it’s like, okay, I’ve UN-become more and stepping into kind of your true self a little bit more each time. But it’s amazing how many layers of conditioning there are on us, isn’t it?

Nicola Humber: Yeah, yeah, it is. And, that’s why I think it’s really important that we are kind to ourselves and not judge ourselves. Like if this stuff keeps coming up, I love, absolutely the spiral. That’s why, I wanted the spiral to be like the logo for the Unbound press and a really messy spiral as well.

Jessy: Yes. Which is why I wanted to go with it.

Nicola Humber: I know. I know. It is it’s messy.

Jessy: Yeah.

Nicola Humber: And we do keep coming around to the same thing.

Jessy: Yeah.

Nicola Humber: But from a different perspective. You know, and I think that’s what’s important. And, you know, like I said, to be kind to ourselves in that process, and I know, we all have moments where that frustration kicks in, I’m not saying I don’t have that. But the more I experienced this, the more I’m able to just be more curious about it and go, oh, okay, this is back again. And have more of a kind of playful approach to it.

Jessy: And it’s a different perspective, but also, you’ve gathered more, well what I call you gathered more tools along the way and you’re stronger in a different way, and I always think things aren’t sent to you that you can’t deal with, even though it might not feel that you can deal with at the time but you know, it’s that you are stronger and you can cope with it much better can’t you?

Nicola Humber: Absolutely. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Every time you come around to it, you’re more resourced in different ways. In order to be able to move through it or whatever you need to do.

Jessy: Yeah, definitely. So, who kind of or who or what influenced you along the way? So, you already said about your, you know, seeing the hypnotherapist and so I expect you’ve got a long list of people.

Nicola Humber: Yeah, I have. It will be like the Oscars when they tried to kind of get us off the stage. And they go

Jessy: I want to thank so and so. But like the main influencers, what do you think?

Nicola Humber: Yeah, there have been so many. I mean, how I came to work with the word unbound initially was through Danielle Laporte’s desire map process where she helps you to identify your core desired feelings. And that was a real kind of turning point for me. Like coming into contact with that word. I don’t know if I’d ever used that word before. But when I was working through the desire map, one of my core desired feelings initially was freedom, but it just didn’t feel, it felt a bit wishy washy. It didn’t feel, I always know if something is kind of resonating with me because I feel it in my body. And I think that’s quite an animal thing.

Jessy: Yeah. That’s the, the instincts that we need to trust.

Nicola Humber: Exactly. Yeah. So, freedom wasn’t doing it for me. So, I was looking up different words, that meant something similar. And as soon as I saw the word unbound, I was like yes.

Jessy: Got goosebumps you just saying that again.

Nicola Humber: Yeah. Because, you know, well, one of the definitions was without a cover or binding, and I love that now, like in relation to a book as well, it’s just like, yeah. But it’s also that kind of suggestion or that knowing that something has previously been bound. And, like you’re freeing yourself from it. You’re UN-binding yourself from it. Just felt really powerful to me.

Jessy: It still feels really powerful.

Nicola Humber: Yeah, yeah. I still love that word. I must say it so many times every day.

Jessy: Do you challenge yourself, how many times can I say it?

Nicola Humber: I know, sometimes I’m like Nicola come on, can you use a different word? You know resonates still with me and I know it resonates with so many others, particularly women who have felt this way. It’s got a really potent energy and sometimes it can be quite unruly. Usually it’s quite unruly you know, since I’ve started working with that word it certainly hasn’t always been smooth sailing.

Jessy: And in your book, you’re sort of saying how when you first connected with your Unbound Self, you were scared of her. And it makes me think of, I don’t know if you’ve watched the movie Life of Pi, when he’s on the on the boat and he’s with the tiger and that’s essentially his Shadow, Self and

Nicola Humber: Yeah.

Jessy: You think cause that is like, first of all, you’re scared of that.

Nicola Humber: Yeah, yeah.

Jessy: Yeah.

Nicola Humber: Absolutely. You know until we’ve integrated more of our, you know what I call the Unbound Self or the Wild Within, it can feel scary and it was when I was writing Heal Your Inner Good Girl, I created these meditations to connect with that Inner Good Girl and then the Unbound Self. So, I thought, okay, I’ll do it for myself, and listen to my own

Nicola Humber: Meditation and yeah, my Unbound Self. I mean, she was very dark and witchy, there was a lot of rage. She was like this kind of ball of dark energy. And she was just moving around really quickly, and it was on a wild and windy beach and I thought, Oh, my goodness. I kind of want to put her back in the box. I don’t know if I can handle that. Yeah, but I’d suppressed a lot of rage and a lot of anger over the years because we’re taught that we shouldn’t show that it’s not acceptable.,

Jessy: Especially as women.

Nicola Humber: But yeah, that’s it. And so, your Unbound Self is always going to show you any parts of you that you’ve been suppressing or holding back.

Jessy: I love that. I love that. And throughout your journey, you know, you’ve talked about visualizations and how you kind of connect with your body. That felt sense. How easy or difficult and like what practices do you use to stay connected to that and listen to your instincts?

Nicola Humber: I tend now to go straight to the body actually, like I used to because my trainings in hypnotherapy there was a lot in that, We’re trained to work with people who you know, who would maybe or not so kind of visually oriented. A lot of it is visualization. So that was initially what I would do. But actually, I tend to experience things much more as a felt sense. So, what I will do now is, if something’s coming up for me that I want to check in around, I will just tune into my body and notice any physical sensations and literally just ask my body, like maybe a specific part of my body, what do I need to know right now? What do you want me to know? And I think the key thing, because the answers are always there, but we don’t always trust there. When I used to have my hypnotherapy practice clients would often say, oh, wow, you know, I’m not sure if I’m just making this up. And it’s like, no, it kind of doesn’t matter because it’s interesting that you’re making that specific thing up. That’s coming from your subconscious anyway.

Jessy: Yeah.

Nicola Humber: You know, the key piece is, is to trust it and listen to those answers you would say.

Jessy: Brilliant. So, you’ve spent so much more time really connecting to your true self, to those kind of what I call the animal instincts, the very basic instincts and really tuned into how to listen to that. So, the journaling, the asking your body. I love that. That’s brilliant. It’s so simple. I think this is a problem. We overcomplicate it. We think too much about it all.

Nicola Humber: Oh, my goodness, there’s so many different ways, out there, that we can connect with our true selves. I’ve tried so many of them and yeah, they can be amazing and powerful. But I just think the simple ways are always the most powerful.

Jessy: Yeah, definitely. Look at animals. They don’t complicate things. They don’t sit there going, hmm I wonder. They really just trust their instincts, don’t they?

Nicola Humber: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. You know, the more we can kind of drop out of our minds and into our bodies, the better, I think.

Jessy: Brilliant, I love it. I love it. And yeah, so I mean, very cheeky question. If you were an animal what would you be and why?

Nicola Humber: Again, thinking about this or like feeling into it because I kind of don’t want to choose one.

Jessy: Who said it’s one? You’re unbound!

Nicola Humber: I know I know. Actually, it’s interesting because at the end of last year, I was working with a mentor of mine and she was taking me through this process. And like the hawk came through for me very strongly. And a couple of days previously, we’ve had a couple of experiences with a hawk near where we live. Like there’s hawks actually catching animals and it caught a squirrel and dropped out onto the path in front of my face. So, there was a lot of hawk kind of medicine coming through, quite extreme. But when it came through in this process, there was just something about, like just being able to see really clearly and that focus. It was at the end of 2019, so it was like qualities that I wanted to bring through in 2020. The hawk came up for me again, recently, when I was pulling my animal cards, then the hawk came and it just, yeah, at the moment, there’s something about its fierce, and that kind of clarity and focus. So that’s the animals that feels most present at the moment.

Jessy: Yeah. And also, for me, you saying that it’s coming up that you’re the kind of person who, once you have a focus, you go and you get it, you’ve got that kind of determination.

Nicola Humber: I think that comes from trust as well actually. And that hasn’t always been there. But I’ve learned to trust life and also now, to check in around ideas. Like earlier this week, I was out for a walk and I had an idea drop in about something I could create and offer. And my initial thought was almost like, share it immediately, like almost when I was out for my walk, I’d like to go to Instagram stories and just kind of say about it. And it’s like no. So, just give yourself a minute to check in and is this something you really wanted to do? And I recognized very quickly, no. Because like spaciousness is really important to me right now. But I’ve learned to like trust if something feels right to go with it, even if it doesn’t feel like it makes sense, but to yeah.

Jessy: I love that so much and I think that’s the essence of it, isn’t it? We need to trust ourselves because the Western World we’re in, it’s so much of all these conditions and shoulds and things that we completely forget who we are. And really, if we step into who we are, like Tonya said to you, at the retreat, we had a writer’s retreat that we went on. You stepped into your calling, you trusted that and you’ve helped so many of us along the way. So, trusting ourselves isn’t selfish. It’s actually, you’re creating something for everybody then.

Nicola Humber: Yeah, exactly. Like each one of us. Like, look what you’re doing Jessy in your community like it ripples out. I’m always looking to do and like each book with the unbound press, is to activate others, like to connect with their own and their true selves and their true purpose. And so, when we’re able to do that, it can’t help but activate lots of other people around us so it’s just ripples out and out, and it’s such a magical thing.

Jessy: It’s beautiful. Thank you. Thank you for stepping up. I keep saying this to you because I think I would not have been on this path and the book writing process in itself. My goodness. It’s not just ‘I will write a book’. You live it, don’t you? Absolutely. You live it and the shifts that have happened and changes and everything. I feel like a brand-new person now, it’s amazing.

Nicola Humber: Yeah.

Jessy: It’s not just a book. Its life changing. It really is.

Nicola Humber: Yeah.

Jessy: And you’ve written two

Nicola Humber: Well I’ve written three now. Get the new ones out in October. Yeah. And each time, you know, I think you become more who you’re here to be.

And I love that. I do think I should maybe kind of, warning at the beginning of the process, I do say it’s gonna be transformational. But you can’t, like I said, until you’ve kind of gone through it. You can’t kind of appreciate exactly how transformational it is. But that’s what makes them so powerful. You know, when they go out into the world. They have such an impact because you’ve allowed yourself to experience this transformation as you were writing it.

Jessy: Yeah, definitely. Definitely. Oh, thank you. Thank you so much and I won’t keep you much longer but you know, is there anything that you kind of wanted to promote or invite people to or anything that you’re working on?

Nicola Humber: I mean, I think if somebody is watching this and they’re interested, like even writing a book or just connecting more deeply with themselves, then I’d recommend my Unbound writing prompts. And the link to that is nicolahumber.com./unbound-writing-prompts. I think.

Jessy: I will put the link somewhere around the video.

Nicola Humber: Don’t rely on mine but that gives you 100 different writing prompts. Some are about kind of you’re Inner Good Girl. Some are about your Unbound Self and the different principles of living unbound. And they can help you like if you’re wanting to write a book to give you inspiration for that or just if you want to use them for your own personal process. So, that’s the main thing. But yeah, or just come and connect with me like on Facebook or Instagram, drop me a message, I’d love to hear from you.

Jessy: And I highly recommend Nicola. So, you know, definitely. And I love the prompts as well because, you know, even if you’re not wanting to write a book, just that journaling aspect, it’s such a deep connection with yourself as well isn’t it, so cathartic and healing

Nicola Humber: Yeah, and sometimes we need somebody else to ask the question. So, you know, they are really a series of questions to help us reflect back more deeply.

Jessy: Fantastic. Well thank you, thank you so so much for agreeing to do this with me. And just as always thank you for just being because you’ve helped me so much with everything. So fantastic. Brilliant.

Nicola Humber: Thank you, Jessy. Thank you for inviting me and thank you for the work you’re doing in the world. It’s so very needed. I really appreciate it.

Jessy: Bless you. Oh, well, thank you so much. So, yeah, that’s the end of the interview. Take care.

Jessy and Nicola Humber: Bye

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